Weather Silence (SOLS)

5/17/2011

Craft Lesson: Using Sensory Details
This is an area of weakness. I blame my news writing background and a tendency to skip over long descriptive passages when I read (I know...that is bad). I rarely use similes and metaphors or figurative language.

I will not talk about the weather.
Do not ask me why I am cocooned in woolly sweaters.
I refuse to reference the numbing chill
That follows like a stalking portable refrigerator.

I will not acknowledge the persistent patter of rain
That is like a nozzle set to infinity
Swiveling to a steady trickle
And back from a loud rush.

You shall not hear comments from me
About the eternal gray that
Encases and bleakens the world.
Shades of elephant, concrete and dull books.

I will refrain from making dramatic comparisons,
Even though the rain is, indeed,
A blues musician riffing off
Endless variations of forlorn gray.

Linda Baie link

5/17/2011 07:17:19 am

I think you've made up for those previous days of omitting literary elements! It's a beautiful poem filled with comparisons and description--that nozzle set to infinity is priceless, & the emphasis throughout on the shades of gray is just such a poetic trickle from the rain. Thanks!

Ashley C. link

5/17/2011 10:40:23 am

I think I'm going to share this poem with my students (unless you would prefer that I didn't, of course)--we've been talking about the power of repetition in writing. I love how you began each stanza by NOT doing something.

And we're all in denial around here about this 40 degree weather in May!

Diana Martin link

5/17/2011 11:03:17 am

I love your stanza about the eternal gray that encases and bleakens the world. Great verbs. Your poem has wonderful rhythm. Also, I love "shades of elephant." That is what the sky looked like here in Michigan today.

5/17/2011 01:49:21 pm

Ashley -- Thank you for thinking of using this poem with your class.

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